I suddenly realized, we’re all in this together.

I went to a Ben Lee concert last night and it was just what I needed. I have been having a really bad creative block all semester and this past week I finally started coming out of it and it’s awesome!

I love Ben Lee shows, I always leave wanting to experience everything. Carey Brothers opened for him, and put on a phenomenal set. I wish i could articulate how great shows make me feel. I love the feeling of being creatively charged. Ben Lee especially has a way of looking at the world and seeing it for its beauty, which can be really hard at times.

I wish I were more like that.

His shows are always full of good feelings. From the obvious camaraderie between he and fellow tour-mates, to the feeling you get from the crowd, the results are always positive. This is the third Ben Lee show I’ve been to, and every time I am blown away by how nice and friendly the crowd is. Maybe it’s because it’s always small, so a certain anonymity is lost, but I like to think its because they subscribe to similar beliefs i do. After all we’re all in this together.

Lately I feel like I am always filled with aggression, irritation, or shame and frankly? I’m sick of it. While watching the set and the crowd last night it occurred to me (again and again) that my feelings are completely self inflicted. If I experience this world by judging others, fearing judgement, and and focusing on everything that is wrong, I’m never going to be happy, I’ll just be filled with insecurity and resentment.

I want my life to be like his. I want to travel the world on a tour bus and spread happiness. Yeah yeah, I’m not a musician and I’ll probably never get to experience that first hand, But I am an artist and I can spread similar feelings through my work. I want to see everyone and everything for its beauty.

And I will.

The only difference is what might be is now what might have been

This week I don’t like Monday. It could be because it’s month and year end here at the ICEE company, so everything is sort of chaotic. (read: the internet connection is REALLY slow.) Other causes of the longest Monday in the history of Mondays include a weekend vacation coming up in less than 6 days, perfect temperatures outside, and the fact that my desk may or may not suck the life out of every human who comes into contact with it. 4 more hours until I get to go to class. At least in art history I get to play with my favorite possession of all time… I downloaded a million and one widgets last night. Including one widget that’s a light bright. Yes. A light bright.

Anyway, I wasn’t really planning on whining about Monday’s through this post, I’ve actually been pondering a lot lately which is a pretty big change from the mentality that followed me like a rain cloud over the summer.

It’s nice to be back.

A lot has taken place since last week at this time. I can’t believe how much better I feel having returned to school. I don’t know if its because I am actively thinking on an academic level, or if its just because I am around some really good friends again, but I feel so much better. Going back to school always forces me to look back and see how I have progressed (or digressed) since the semester prior. I’ve been thinking particularly about how much I’ve changed since foundations (drawing and sculpture… You remember all the drawing class rants right?).

This fall I unexpectedly have a class with a pretty good friend from that era. Its so strange to think about how much I’ve changed since learning (“learning”) how to draw with a 1 point perspective in the hallways of the art building 2 years ago. I was coming out of such an awkward phase at the beginning of that semester; I had few friends, hardly any money, and next to no self confidence. I was still dealing with a lot of insecurities stemming from my dad, weight, and over all feeling of not belonging anywhere. But I see now that fall semester of 2005 was a major turning point in my life. It’s puzzling how I can be different, yet still similar to that shadow of the past.

It obviously makes sense, because it is MY past, it’s just interesting how problems and successes morph from one thing to another. It’s also interesting how seeing one person who you basically forgot about can trigger so many memories.

I’m pretty sure this is going to be an awesome year.

How will I break the news to you?

A while back I had a conversation with my dear friend Jeremy. We were talking about the girls and the various roles we play. Sarah is the fun outgoing one, Lisa is the smart one, and Marci is of course, the hot one. I referred to myself as the “boring serious one who always makes sure we’re on time.” Because lets face it, I tend to be boring, and you can’t argue my punctuality. He corrected me and told me that I’m the serious introspective one. For some reason that struck me as profound, and since having the conversation I have thought about it a lot. Introspectively of course.

I concluded that I blog because of my “serious introspective-ness.” I also concluded that I really am an artist who is torn up on the inside. It’s kind of neat, because I love blogging almost as much as I love making art, and for some reason it never occurred to me that I love them both for the same reason. I often worry that I don’t take photography as serious as I should because I’m too busy being preoccupied by life’s distractions. Now I know that the two are very much connected.

I think that I wear my life on my sleeve a little too much. I blog about things that are probably too personal for the internet, and I put my personal life into my work. I get it from my Mom. And I’m okay with that. I have been suffering some blogger’s remorse lately, but right now, at this very moment I don’t care. Some blogs are about politics. Mine isn’t. I have decided that my blog is about my creative process as an artist. To create I draw from experiences in my life. I draw from the records kept on this website.

So there you have it. I have become one of those incredibly irritating people who go around proclaiming to the world that they are, in fact, an artist. I don’t think that I am special because of my need to express myself, and I don’t think that my art is particularly great at this point. However this is who I am, and I’m glad to be that person, regardless of who likes me.

I suppose I should come with some sort of disclaimer: Warning! you may be blogged about.

Your head’ll collapse if there’s nothing in it

I really am still a photographer… I don’t know why it’s been so long since I posted a photograph… I shot this for one of my photography classes and had a lot of fun doing it. It was a studio assignment and I got to use the departments Hasselblad Camera which in itself was a religious experience. Anyway I underexposed the film… but I still sort of like it. It’s not that bad considering I was in a completely foreign setting, (new camera, new lighting, new film etc)
Have a good’un

Everybody here is fired

So I am such a computer geek, that I actually come up to the School, just to get online and post on my blog.. And take care of online payments.. Whatever, everything changes when you lose access to the internet. Especially if you’re me. I figured while I’m here, I might as well post on the bloggy. So here I am. So I went to San Diego. It was pretty much the best trip of my life. We broke up the drive there in two days, and spent the night in Las Vegas. We stayed at the Luxor, you know, THE PYRAMID WITH THE MILE HIGH LIGHT? The light really excited me. As we were driving in there was a really bad storm and we were pretty sure that God was smiting the city. Kristina declared that if God destroyed Vegas, that she was going to demand a refund. It was pretty funny. We didn’t do too much in Vegas, we walked up the strip, and watched the fountain show at the Bellagio, but besides that we mostly slept and ate quiznos. Mmm. Quiznos. After Vegas we drove to San Diego, on the way we stopped in Primm and rode the roller coaster at Buffalo Bill’s. I think the roller coaster was called the Desperado. It was pretty old, but fun nonetheless. After Primm, we stopped in Calico, to see the Ghost town, only to find out that it was like 6 bucks a person just to enter the town.. So we turned around and continued onto San Diego. Man San Diego is beautiful and there is so much to see. If I ever get my own computer again, I will scan the film that I shot. If not, ask me and I’ll show you? Anyways, we went through Balboa park for the first day, and it was AWESOME. We went to the zoo, and then onto the museum of photographic arts, which was really amazing. They had a series on female photo-journalists, and it re-affirmed my decision to want to go into photo-journalism. It also made me realize I have a lot to learn about photography, and man, I’m excited. After MOPA, we went to the San Diego Museum of Fine Art, and they had an Andy Warhol exhibit. I can’t even begin to talk about how cool that was. We didn’t have any idea that it was going to be showing, so it was a great surprise. It was so inspiring to see his original works, I’ve never really seen any art of that caliber, so it was really exciting. We also saw a few original Goya’s, John’s, and Matisse’s, all which were amazing. The next few days were much more chill, and a ton of fun. We went through a lot of local shops and second hand stores which was really cool. I bought like 4 shirts, a skirt and two rings for like fifty bucks. Pretty friggin sweet. We also went to mission beach a couple times, which was really fun. We body surfed which was a new experience for me, before the trip I had never swam in the ocean before, so that was really exciting. Well, I think that basically sums up the trip, it was really sad coming home, we all wanted to stay, but all good things come to an end I guess.
In other news, I finally finished Between the River and the Bridge (the Craig Ferguson book), and I have to say, I really liked it and would like to retract my earlier comments about it. It starts out a little harsh, but I really grew to love it. And you should read it, however the language is pretty bad in it, so if that kind of thing offends you, you’ve been warned, but you should read it anyways. I’d explain the plot to you, but its really difficult to explain, you should just read it. Well kiddies, I think I am going to go to The Apple Store and see if they will give me a new computer… Its worth a shot.. Right?

Have a good’un

Slip turns to terror, a crush to like

So this weekend was the busiest weekend I’ve had in a long time and it was heaven on earth. For those of you who are outside of Utah, It was the Utah Arts Festival this weekend and I volunteered to help out. I got to be a “booth sitter” and work at an information booth. It was a ton of fun and I got to meet a lot of amazing artists. Particularly this woman who’s name I can’t remember.. She came into my tent to get some water (the festival supplied courtesy water) and we talked for a while. She’s a Photographer and she spent like four years in Tibet and other parts of China just taking pictures, and her work was amazing. Basically, I want to be her. The more I think about it, the more I want to go into Photo-journalism. I also got to meet a couple of women who are in charge of selecting the artists and that was also really interesting. They gave me some contact information to do future volunteering, (ie not during the actual art festival) and I think I might do that. Can I just say I love the art festival? So many different people go to it and its really neat to see so many different mini-cultures interact. Its also a lot of fun to see friends and family there. For the last few years I’ve seen my Aunt Mary (She totally reads this on a regular basis) almost every year, and its always really fun to see her. I also got to see a bunch of friends from school, including a kid who I really misjudged last semester and I sort of feel guilty about it now. Oh well, maybe we can be friends next fall… I guess we’ll see.
So in other exciting news, Jessie, Kristina, and I are leaving for San Diego in 1.5 days and I am REALLY excited about it. We are going to stop in Vegas on the way, and then on to San Diego to hang out. We have a lot of really fun things planned, and I think that it will be a really great experience. I am excited for the photo opportunities thaI i will have. I’m also excited to go to another city and just forget about whatever is going on right now that is stressful. It’s going to be awesome. FRIGGIN AWESOME.

Have a good’un

Nothing Creative Today

I can’t think of a title…. Sorry about that. So I checked out that Sebastiao Salgado (I hope I spelled that right) exhibit last weekend, It was really cool and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was a really depressing exhibition but it was well worth my seven dollars. Seeing all of those images made me feel really good about my decision to leave my current place of employment. I’d been having some “quitter’s remorse” and thinking that I made a bad decision, especially since its right before Christmas but I think that I did the right thing. My boss asked me to stay on for an additional two weeks, I said yes, seeings how I don’t have another job lined up… So yeah..That’s what is going on in my professional life. Exciting, I know. Scholastically things are alright I guess… I’m really behind in all of my classes and its slight stressful, I think I’m burned out because while I know that I am behind, I just don’t care… Which is really bad because in one class I am writing a group paper so its not only screwing myself, but them as well I’ve been trying really hard to stay caught up there though, plus we are meeting up on Monday and I told them I would buy everyone coffee’s to make up for it?? Yeah…. ANYWAYS You all think I’m a brat now. In my drawing class we are drawing with charcoal still and aside from various charcoal fights I get into with a kid in my class, it really sucks and I’m sick of it lol. While I’ve forgiven my teacher for his stupid comment, I find that my desire to try in that class has diminished, and I think that shows in my drawings. I think I was making progress, but now I just don’t care and I think that it really frustrates my teacher… But whatever.. I have to get a C in that class… That’s all. Then I can be accepted into the art program and life will be great. In 3-d we are pouring plaster and so far it’s been really fun. I really like my 3-d class, I feel bad that I can’t put as much time into it as I’d like to, but hopefully with quitting my job, next semester that will change. (however, I wont have a good excuse anymore for craptacular projects…) My 3-d teacher is an amazing artist you should check out his work. Hmmm what else is going on? hmmm Not a lot… Oh its Lisa’s birthday on Sunday- HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU BUDDAY!! Well kiddies I think I better get back to work- but have a good’un!

I have no soul.

http://www.theleonardo.com/salgado/index.php

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Oooh I have done so much since I last posted.. first of all I FINALLY applied to the U. I have needed to do that for a long time and I finally did yesterday. I talked to a counsler and she said that most of my photo credit should transfer which is a HUGE relief. I am so excited to go there. Last Friday my friends and I went to the Gallery Stroll which is this Really cool thing in Salt Lake every third Friday. All of these galleries stay open super late (until like nine..which is late for galleries) and you can go around and check out different artists and such. I went with Sarah, Jen and Ryan(My newest employee) and we had a blast! We visited 3 galleries and it was really refreshing. I really need to do more “art” type things.. it makes me a happier person.. Anyways.. While we were out strolling we went to a gallery called the New Visions Gallery which is currently calling for submissions. So I have decided to submit. I am really excited about it, even if i don’t get accepted, It feels really good to try and do something professionally with my photography. I’ve decided on 10 pictures, most of them have been posted on this site at one time or another.. but if anyone is interested in seeing them let me know.. It makes me feel special when people do… hee. in the last few weeks I have also learned how to drive a manual transmission! I am super excited.. next saturday I am going to go test drive the bmw and then hopefully that wednesday or thursday I am FINALLY going to purchase it. I am really looking forward to having a car thats door opens from both the inside and the outside.. I am also excited about keeping the rain OUTSIDE of the car.. My brothers still aren’t too happy about me deciding to purchase the car, but oh well.. I have researched it so much and i feel really good about it. Man, so much has happened since I last posted and I can’t even think about what to write.. OH!! I saw Ben Lee (If I were you, I would click his name) last tuesday and oh. my. gosh. It was really amazing. I haven’t been to such a good concert in a really long time. It was really refreshing to go to a small venue and not see some halfass punk band playing the same power chord over and over again. For those of you who don’t know who Ben Lee is, he is a singer/songwriter from Australia, he is most commonly known for his work that he did with Ben Folds (another amazing artist). They were in a short lived band called The Bens (Ben Kweller was also in the bens) and only released like 5 or so songs. but back to the concert, everything was jsut really fun. The venue was really dumpy, but still fun. It was basically a big black room with a big wooden 12×72x120 box (the stage). There wasn’t very many people there, so the crowd mentality wasnt that of KILL EVERYONE SO I CAN BE IN FRONT!! which was so refreshing I can’t even begin to talk about it. Sarah and I were probably 2 or 3 rows of people from the front, but we still had ample personal space. Finally, Mr. Ben Lee himself was amazing. His music is really fun, and different. His band was super swanky and all were dressed casual. the whole setting was really intimate and casual which is why I think i liked it so much. They played most of the songs from Awake is the New Sleep (good cd) and some of his older songs as well. He was very personable, he would forget words or randomly stop playing a song just “because”. It was really REALLY fun. Hmm This is a really long entry.. Well I had better go, For tomorrow is easter and I am not at home. Its really strange not being at home on a holiday… Easter just doesn’t seem to be my holiday.. (last year at this time I was moving) okay well kids, Have a good’un!

Nothing Creative Today

Hey kids, I received a phone call from a friend today wondering if I was alive or not today so I figured I’d better post. Sorry its been awhile (I know you all are like OH MY GOSH I HAVE TO READ MALLORY’S BLOG BEFORE I GO TO BED!! So when I don’t post you’re all crushed.. Anyways) I have been super busy this week with school.. So unfortunately I don’t have a load of stories to relay. But I have a few never fear. Since we last spoke, I’ve visited UMFA for the first time in a few months.. Man I Need to do that more often. It was really refreshing to visit a museum again, for those of you in Utah, you should check it out, there is a really cool exhibit on abstract art right now.. I think it runs through Oct 20… I could be totally wrong though. anywho its cool go see it. Hmm what else have I done.. oooo Jen and I rented One hour photo and Peewee’s big adventure last weekend.. One hour photo is really freaky. I dislike Robin Williams, but he did a good job acting I suppose.. I’m getting wierded out thinking about it.. Anyways.. Thoughout the week I have been super busy w/ school and work. So far this week I have visited American Fork, Orem, Provo, Spanish Fork, Heber City, Park City, Tooele and Herriman. Yup Store visits again. They were pretty fun.. But man I’ve learned a lot about this state. I went to lunch in Provo yesterday and For the life of me could not find the freeway on ramp.. I got lost in some neighborhood just west of I-15 and like every street had a sign that said “NO OUTLET” It drove me nuts.. I now realize why The guy from the Used is so crazy.. BECAUSE HE COULD NEVER FIND THE FREEWAY. I guess he did eventually.. But yeah.. Today I got to goto herriman and Tooele.. Man why would anybody want to live in either one of those cities? While in Tooele I went to an albertsons to pick up some goodies for my friend who’s on a mission, and like everybody there looked at me strangely.. Its like OOOOH CITY DEVIL LEAVE OUR BLESS-ED TOWN!!…There were also a TON of old people there… I kept wondering if they had any relation to Jen. Doubtful. But yeah maybe! On my way to herriman I got to drive past wondrous Far west landmarks.. Such as the Jordan Land fill.. Oh odorous joy.. It reeked.. When I barely got away from the smell I found myself in Herriman, where I had the opportunity to visit the world’s most irritating man. Oh man.. We won’t go into that or I will be blogging till three in the A M. Hmmm ooh for those of you wondering about my buddy Barry, his tests came back inconclusive, so they are going to run some more tomorrow. His doctor said that it is probably just a cyst, but we won’t know for sure again until next week. What else is going on.. ooh Bob came in again today.. He’s been coming into the store a lot lately.. I dunno what to think about it. While I really like seeing//talking to him, it drives me crazy at the same time. Man.. Oh well I got a free chocolate Milk out of him today (he works at winder dairy) Oooh speaking of free food, today I was at the Lair at School and some woman randomly came up to me and was like “our ice cream machine went crazy.. Would you like some free ice cream?” I said yes and it was happy.. OH MY GOSH… So those of you who are valiant readers, Do you remember the story about the boy with the butt crack? So today I am in art history talking to my friend Ladeda and he comes and sits in front of me and just like starts making small talk. He’s really nice but dude, I have seen his bare ass, and I’m sorry once you’ve seen that, there is no turning back.. So I feel really bad because while he’s talking to me all I can think of is his freaking rear end.. So like I started dozing off in class (its really long, and the teacher has a monotone voice, and the lights are out because he has to show slides) So I start dozing off and Ass-man shakes me and is like wake up!! HE TOUCHED ME… Those of you who know me on a personal level know this, but I HATE BEING TOUCHED BY PEOPLE I DON’T KNOW.. DO NOT TOUCH ME ASS MAN LEAVE ME ALONE!! okay well I have to go do some serious home work.. But you all have a good’un