From the Daybooks of Edward Weston

This little shack is now for sale– or rather the property. No one would pay much for the shack! But it has been the most important building in Glendale! the “for sale” sign marks the end of an epoch– the beginning of another. No tears can be wasted over a change: all changes are important
-Edward Weston

When I approach rappers be takin notes I drop like I shoulda invented the raincoat

Another reason why I don’t go to BYU.

Mallory says:
hows Geology?
Scott says:
we’re learning about earthquakes
Mallory says:
ooooo
Mallory says:
and plate techtonics?
Scott says:
kind of
Scott says:
our teacher says that earthquakes happen when god gets mad at gay people

Hide it in the pantry with your cupcakes

Deep thoughts from Jeremy Jacobson

“A washcloth is just a square scarf”

“We were forbidden to listen to AM radio stations growing up”

“Did you know that 20 babies fit into a tire? 40 if you blend them up”

“How many lesbians turn out to be urologists? That’s a slippery slope.”

I suddenly realized, we’re all in this together.

I went to a Ben Lee concert last night and it was just what I needed. I have been having a really bad creative block all semester and this past week I finally started coming out of it and it’s awesome!

I love Ben Lee shows, I always leave wanting to experience everything. Carey Brothers opened for him, and put on a phenomenal set. I wish i could articulate how great shows make me feel. I love the feeling of being creatively charged. Ben Lee especially has a way of looking at the world and seeing it for its beauty, which can be really hard at times.

I wish I were more like that.

His shows are always full of good feelings. From the obvious camaraderie between he and fellow tour-mates, to the feeling you get from the crowd, the results are always positive. This is the third Ben Lee show I’ve been to, and every time I am blown away by how nice and friendly the crowd is. Maybe it’s because it’s always small, so a certain anonymity is lost, but I like to think its because they subscribe to similar beliefs i do. After all we’re all in this together.

Lately I feel like I am always filled with aggression, irritation, or shame and frankly? I’m sick of it. While watching the set and the crowd last night it occurred to me (again and again) that my feelings are completely self inflicted. If I experience this world by judging others, fearing judgement, and and focusing on everything that is wrong, I’m never going to be happy, I’ll just be filled with insecurity and resentment.

I want my life to be like his. I want to travel the world on a tour bus and spread happiness. Yeah yeah, I’m not a musician and I’ll probably never get to experience that first hand, But I am an artist and I can spread similar feelings through my work. I want to see everyone and everything for its beauty.

And I will.

Fake it for a while, bite your tongue and smile

So when you think to yourself “I should blog” and the first two titles that come to mind are Kelly Clarkson and Green Day lyrics, it is time to reasses. (no offense, I like her too. but not in the her-music-is-so-deep-and-she-totally-gets-me sort of way.)Luckily I found a Shins lyric. (Thanks ZB.)

Internet, I am driving myself crazy. Why is it that every November I come off this awesome “I’m so independent” or “I am unstoppable” high to land face first in a “tee-hee I like boys” attitude? Like really? What happened to Miss Independent?

She didn’t fall in love that’s for sure.

So what will happen next? I’ll spend the next month or so dwelling over meetings that are essentially meaningless. I’ll annoy the crap out of Sarah, Marci,and Jeremy by telling them every last irritating detail, like how he likes his coffee or what his shoe size is. I’ll have a daily meeting with Scott so he can decipher what this and that means, and convince him to convince me that he actually likes me. I’ll probably write a journal or something to keep me from blogging about it and embarrassing myself. Then he’ll tell me I’m his best friend. And then comes the crying.

At least the girls will bring me Tagalog ice cream and Jeremy and Becca will take me rummaging in Orem.

So my question is, WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS TO MYSELF? Honestly? I do this over and over and over. I know that I’m happiest when I’m single, I know that I hate having ridiculous “crushes.” I know that I am annoying, yet I can’t stop. I? am a walking contradiction.

And I don’t know what to do.

And The Question is, Was I More Alive Then, Than I am Now?

So much has happened this past weekend, and I have so much to write, because I KNOW you have been sitting on the edge of your seat wondering what is going on in my life. It’s that exciting.

Before I go on, in case I don’t get around to blogging again before next week,FOR THE LOVE OF CHEESE, GO OUT AND VOTE. In case you’re wondering, I’ll be voting against Referendum 1. So stop calling me. Also, if you live in Salt Lake, I am endorsing Ralph Becker for Mayor, but unfortunately can’t vote for him since I live in Sandy. So there you go. go vote. Go Vote. GO VOTE.

This past weekend was amazing, one of the best weekends I’ve had all semester. I think it’s due largely to the fact that I didn’t do any homework. Friday night marked the opening of the student show at The Meyer Gallery. It was a lot of fun to see my friends in a gallery setting, and even cooler than that was seeing my work on the wall.

The experience was different from what I expected, I really only talked to about 5 people, while at the gallery but I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. It was neat to see my friends outside the art department react to my work. Oh and? Somebody told me that one of my images reminded him of the opening credits to Cowboy Bebop. Best compliment ever.

Saturday consisted of dicking around with various friends at multiple Halloween parties. It was so nice to take a break from everything and just hang out. Being so busy this semester has really taken a toll on my social life, and I really miss my weekend shows with my adorable friends.

Sunday I went to church.

I know.

Chaseface spoke in his homeward, and I went to have a listen. It’s always so strange going back to Taylorsville. It’s especially weird to go back to my old ward and see everything changed. Even though I don’t consider myself LDS anymore, I am so glad to have the opportunity to be apart of that community during high school. So many of those people meant so much to me, it’s so strange how things change. All I know is I wouldn’t have been able to get through that time without their support. So if any of you read this (which I doubt…) Thanks.

Blast from the Past

BREAKING NEWS.

Chaseface is home.

Get excited.

She don’t use Jelly

Dave says:
um, so I just learned something
Dave says:
the airborne tablet? it’s not a chewable

It’s so weird to be back here

No Picture this year…

I don’t know if anyone else has noticed, but it’s been rainy on October 17th for the past three years.

I’m not really sure what to say about it this year. I’m still sad, and I still miss my dad every day, but as time goes on, accepting it becomes easier. Year three has been the most interesting year to date, I feel that I really have started moving forward. From the campaign, to broken relationships to the PAC, I have yet again changed. I suppose life is change.

I visited the neighborhood I grew up in a few days ago and everything is completely different. What was once a horse pasture behind my house is now 10 or so lots with brand new “mcmansions” occupying them. The place that both my father and I grew up in no longer exists. Everything changed and I didn’t even know it was happening. I think life is the same way. We get so caught up in everything, that we don’t even notice what is happening, and we forget the past.

As I was walking to class this morning I was thinking of people that I know now, who knew me then. Aside from my family? Cynthia and Scott. Of all the people I consider to be good friends, two of them knew me then. I have changed so much, and my dad has no idea who I am anymore. Yeah yeah, he walks next to me every day and knows everything that’s going on I’ve heard all of that before. But it’s not the same, and I’m not an optimist.

I think that is what is hardest. He doesn’t know me. He doesn’t know that I go to the crown every Tuesday. He doesn’t know about the PAC and all the work I’ve put into it. He doesn’t know anything about the hardest relationship that I had to face last year. He doesn’t know me anymore. He isn’t here watching me succeed, and he isn’t here to listen to me when I’m sad. Despite our problems, save Mikey, nobody has ever understood me like my dad did.

I really miss that feeling.

I know that I am lucky though. Because of his trials, and the trials he subjected me to, I am strong, and I know can do anything. I am forever grateful for that.

Good Morning Sun..

It’s that time again.

Stand by for a post that is probably way too personal for the internet.